That Time I Drew My Ex

The tale of the time I made my best effort to draw my live-modeling ex. Also some not-very-good art.

A wiggly vector ice cream cone with a wee smiling face and colorful sprinkles. The cone is holding two smaller ice cream cones in its long, wiggly arms, one of which is wrapped around its body.

20th of August, 2024
By Nathan Upchurch

At the start of the pandemic, I had just begun a relationship with an artist who had the occasional gig doing a bit of nude live modeling.

When he invited me to join a session via zoom, I was apprehensive. Drawing has never been my strong suit. I can doodle, but I can’t draw. But hey, I thought, I’m not completely devoid of artistic skill. I have been doing design work for years; while graphic design is not art, it’s at least art-adjacent. Hell, when I sit down and take my time, I can produce something that’s downright fridge-worthy!

A crude oil pastel ocean-scape featuring a sunset. Wee boats bob about on the waves and little birds fly above them. — I’d put that on my fridge!

Prepared to do my best, I settled down with my laptop, some pencils, and a pad of paper. What I was not prepared for, however, was how quickly the poses would change. There I was, expecting a good chunk of time to carefully render my new boyfriend in loving detail, only to have the pose end before I’d even managed an outline! And so I changed my strategy: I decided to prioritize speed. That didn’t work either. Here are some of the results:

A very speedily drawn cat, with what I think is my ex behind it. It looks like a sack of potatoes. — I’m fairly certain this was supposed to be his cat.

This drawing, honest to god, looks like a rotisserie chicken with a perm. — I really don’t know what happened here.

After much scribbling, I did begin to improve, eventually turning out this:

A half decent drawing of what is quite clearly a human sitting on the floor. — I stopped while I was ahead here.

I put the pencil down after that.